I realize that I fail to keep this thing updated. Initially, I wanted to keep this updated to keep tabs of my thoughts and events in my life. I repeatedly, however, fail at this task. The reason for this I believe, is becasue I know nobody reads this. But that kinda makes me feel better knowing that few people (if any) will know my thoughts. I think another reason is that I have a hard time opening up. I don't think I have a hard time making friends. I try to be social. I hang out with people. I don't, however, have people that I regularly confide in. It's too hard. At least, it seems that way to me. How do you invest in people that are only in your life for a "season." How do you not get "too attached." I think that's what I struggle with. I've lived my life from high school on on my own. I've had one signifcant relationship (girlfriend) since high school and that was seven years ago. I keep moving around that it's hard to stay in touch with the same people. From 2 years at HPU, to 3 1/2 years away to 2 years back at HPU and now a semester at A&M.
Now I realize that I will not be going back to the Bush School for the Spring semester. It's been a tough semester for me. Realizing that this is not what I wanted to continue pursuing has been tough. My biggest fears are 1) being a burden to other and 2) letting people down. I can't help but feel that I have recently accomplished one, if not both, of those.
So now I leave the Bush School knowing that I will be going to Iraq again next year. Just when I started building friendships, etc. I leave. I want to keep up the relatinships. Build on them. But I said that the last time I went to Iraq. That didn't work out to well. My friends were to busy with school and work and their own lives to keep up the long distance correspondence. It wasn't all their fault. I mean, I did my share to keep it that way. Afterall, it doesn't make friends and family sleep better at night telling them how many times you faced death that day. And when I got back, I wanted to get back to my friendships. But so much had happened on their end. Single friends were now married. Married friends were now parents. Other friends were now gone and move elsewhere. Plus, I couldn't help but feel that some were unsure how to act towards me because they feared they couldn't relate to what I had been through.
So what do I do now knowing what I will be going through the next year? Feelings of loneliness are bound to surface. My friends in Grad school will have graduated by the time I return from overseas. Who knows what else will have changed? I have God. That is for certain. I know that should be enough. Somehow, it doesn't seem that way.
God brought me through everything the first time, right? But I know how that felt. It wasn't that great. So I guess that leaves me trying to figure what my next step is. Until next time....
Continue in Excellence
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Setbacks and setforwards
Much has happened since my last post. Grad school is coming along. I'm staying extremely busy and am trying to make up for my shortcoming at the beginning of the semester. I have a midterm for Quantitative Methods and I'm not quite sure how well I'll do. Much prayer is appreciated.
I finally signed my contract for ROTC. My guard unit exists no longer in its former state and has begun transformation. I will not be going to Abilene any longer. From now on, I will be going to Waco once a month.
Spiritually, I need improvement and encouragement. I have found a great church and small group with which to get involved! I'm trying to build stronger relationships and find my core group of friends. There are so many people, activities, and resources. The issue is not gettig overwhelmed.
So, onto the big news...No, I'm not engaged. But I did dislocate my left shoulder this past Friday. It's the first time I had ever dislocated anything. Wasn't really a big fan of it. I injured it while mtn biking at Lake Bryan. Excruciating pain. When I finally made it to a hospital, x-rays showed that I had a slight fracture. The doctor told me that surgery was not required but that my injury would be a persist for a couple weeks longer due to the chip.
I definitely wouldn't recommend dislocating anything. After it happened and I was laying face downon the trail I was left with different thoughts running through my mind. The first of which was, 'Well, at least my sunglasses didn't break." But then I thought, "ow."
How messed up is that?
Fortunately, I had some awesome friends who were with me at the time and were nothin but an extreme blessing. They put up with my lack of movement, mycomplaints of pain, missed dinner, and ruined Friday night. While at the hospital, they took turns visiting with me in the ER and keeping me company. After we left the hospital, we all went to dinner and ended the eventful MTN BIKE trip.
I am thankful for my friends that God has placed in my life, especially during this time. THey have called to check up on me, volunteered their time and services to see if there was anything I needed, have been persistant to ensure that I take care of myself and wear my should sling, and have made a "Get Well Soon" cake.
I continue to see how it's all about putting things in perspective. I'm alive. I'm healthy (save for some minor injuries). I have been given some awesome friends. Now I've been thinking...How will God use this for His Glory? How do I see His promises displayed in this? What does this show me about the character and worth of God? and how can I take joy in it?
I will meditate on these thoughts. I know the answer. Often times, what we know in our heads, our hearts don't want to follow suit. May it not be so this time. Until my next corrspondence...
Continue In Excellence,
jdmerx
I finally signed my contract for ROTC. My guard unit exists no longer in its former state and has begun transformation. I will not be going to Abilene any longer. From now on, I will be going to Waco once a month.
Spiritually, I need improvement and encouragement. I have found a great church and small group with which to get involved! I'm trying to build stronger relationships and find my core group of friends. There are so many people, activities, and resources. The issue is not gettig overwhelmed.
So, onto the big news...No, I'm not engaged. But I did dislocate my left shoulder this past Friday. It's the first time I had ever dislocated anything. Wasn't really a big fan of it. I injured it while mtn biking at Lake Bryan. Excruciating pain. When I finally made it to a hospital, x-rays showed that I had a slight fracture. The doctor told me that surgery was not required but that my injury would be a persist for a couple weeks longer due to the chip.
I definitely wouldn't recommend dislocating anything. After it happened and I was laying face downon the trail I was left with different thoughts running through my mind. The first of which was, 'Well, at least my sunglasses didn't break." But then I thought, "ow."
How messed up is that?
Fortunately, I had some awesome friends who were with me at the time and were nothin but an extreme blessing. They put up with my lack of movement, mycomplaints of pain, missed dinner, and ruined Friday night. While at the hospital, they took turns visiting with me in the ER and keeping me company. After we left the hospital, we all went to dinner and ended the eventful MTN BIKE trip.
I am thankful for my friends that God has placed in my life, especially during this time. THey have called to check up on me, volunteered their time and services to see if there was anything I needed, have been persistant to ensure that I take care of myself and wear my should sling, and have made a "Get Well Soon" cake.
I continue to see how it's all about putting things in perspective. I'm alive. I'm healthy (save for some minor injuries). I have been given some awesome friends. Now I've been thinking...How will God use this for His Glory? How do I see His promises displayed in this? What does this show me about the character and worth of God? and how can I take joy in it?
I will meditate on these thoughts. I know the answer. Often times, what we know in our heads, our hearts don't want to follow suit. May it not be so this time. Until my next corrspondence...
Continue In Excellence,
jdmerx
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Life at the TenThirteen
SOOO. I've definitely fallen way behind on updating everyone since the last post. So here is a summary of the great things that I've been up to:
Saw my family (Dad, Sister, Brother, and extended family on Dad's side) in California. Great weather. Fun in Vegas. Saw Tyler W. Long - I mean super long airport stays.
Stayed and visited in Brownwood, Tx. Saw Jackson Daniel Locker for the first time!
Moved from Brownwood into the TenThirteen in College Station. Unpacked.
Attended all sorts of orientations. For new graduate students at A&M. For new Bush School of Government students. For first years student in the Corps of Cadets at Texas A&M.
Unpacked.
Went to Aggie soccer game and volleyball game. Whoop!
Unpacked.
Visited my first church today. This is something I'm definitely in prayer for. I visited Grace Bible and had a great experience. It's a huge church but the 20/30 group is small enough to allow a personal environment. Meeting all sorts of new people.
Unpacked.
Tomorrow is the first day of class. For some reason, the least of which is that I haven't even purchased books yet, I don't feel ready for the first day. Hopefully that should change.
Unpacked. The roomies want to have a welcome party on thursday night. So I guess that means that my unpacking better be done before then. (Cross my fingers)
We are getting the internet and HD cable tomorrow so I should be more diligent to the blog. I look forward to keeping all in the loop. Until next time...continue in excellence!
Saw my family (Dad, Sister, Brother, and extended family on Dad's side) in California. Great weather. Fun in Vegas. Saw Tyler W. Long - I mean super long airport stays.
Stayed and visited in Brownwood, Tx. Saw Jackson Daniel Locker for the first time!
Moved from Brownwood into the TenThirteen in College Station. Unpacked.
Attended all sorts of orientations. For new graduate students at A&M. For new Bush School of Government students. For first years student in the Corps of Cadets at Texas A&M.
Unpacked.
Went to Aggie soccer game and volleyball game. Whoop!
Unpacked.
Visited my first church today. This is something I'm definitely in prayer for. I visited Grace Bible and had a great experience. It's a huge church but the 20/30 group is small enough to allow a personal environment. Meeting all sorts of new people.
Unpacked.
Tomorrow is the first day of class. For some reason, the least of which is that I haven't even purchased books yet, I don't feel ready for the first day. Hopefully that should change.
Unpacked. The roomies want to have a welcome party on thursday night. So I guess that means that my unpacking better be done before then. (Cross my fingers)
We are getting the internet and HD cable tomorrow so I should be more diligent to the blog. I look forward to keeping all in the loop. Until next time...continue in excellence!
Thursday, August 2, 2007
So later today I fly to California to see my father and sister. As I pack and prepare, I have been watching the news to see what has been going on in the world. I feel that I am out of "the loop" while working at camp. One of the major events that has happened at the time of this writing is the collapse of the 35W bridge in Minneapolis, MN. It is covered non-stop on almost every news station. I suspect that this will happen for a few more days. Then it will stop and news anchors everywhere will only talk about it in passing as an anecdote. But for now, it is news. What shall we make of it?
No doubt there are countless tragedies that occur everyday throughout the world. But that does not diminish the grief that occurs over this event. Nor does it elevate this tragedy over and above any others. For there has occurred one great Injustice that far surpasses anything we have endured or will endure in this life.
I guess it's all about perspective. Yes, we grieve during tragedies like this. Yes, we show compassion to friends and strangers when they hurt. That is something I, myself, must work on. Far too often, I think, I struggle with not showing compassion to others during times of sorrow. So this is for me, too.
It's still about perspective. How do you view this? One of my favorite authors and pastor, John Piper, wrote an article 3 hours after the collapse of the bridge. He pastors a church within eyesight of the fallen bridge in Minneapolis. His article helps convey some of my thoughts on this tragic event. Here is the link for it http://www.desiringgod.org/Blog/745_putting_my_daughter_to_bed_two_hours_after_the_bridge_collapsed/
When all is said and done, it's all about perspective. How do I see myself in this life? in relation to events? to others? to a holy and righteous God?
I wanted to send a friend a card wishing her good luck on the upcoming school year, but I couldn't. I can't get past saying good luck. It's been ingrained in me since I was young to say "Good luck" and to wish people good luck. But what does luck mean? ...that events occur and happen by chance without purpose or design? And that it's best to hope that maybe you can get the good king and not the bad kind? People say "I have good luck" or "I have bad luck" or "If it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all." These mindsets bear witness to people's perspectives on life. So a friend told me once, "I don't believe in luck. I believe in God's sovereign grace." hmmm... no luck. just God's sovereign grace. Let me meditate on that longer. I don't think Hallmark makes Sovereign Grace greeting cards. I mean, where would they file them? Until then...
Continue in Excellence,
jdmerx
No doubt there are countless tragedies that occur everyday throughout the world. But that does not diminish the grief that occurs over this event. Nor does it elevate this tragedy over and above any others. For there has occurred one great Injustice that far surpasses anything we have endured or will endure in this life.
I guess it's all about perspective. Yes, we grieve during tragedies like this. Yes, we show compassion to friends and strangers when they hurt. That is something I, myself, must work on. Far too often, I think, I struggle with not showing compassion to others during times of sorrow. So this is for me, too.
It's still about perspective. How do you view this? One of my favorite authors and pastor, John Piper, wrote an article 3 hours after the collapse of the bridge. He pastors a church within eyesight of the fallen bridge in Minneapolis. His article helps convey some of my thoughts on this tragic event. Here is the link for it http://www.desiringgod.org/Blog/745_putting_my_daughter_to_bed_two_hours_after_the_bridge_collapsed/
When all is said and done, it's all about perspective. How do I see myself in this life? in relation to events? to others? to a holy and righteous God?
I wanted to send a friend a card wishing her good luck on the upcoming school year, but I couldn't. I can't get past saying good luck. It's been ingrained in me since I was young to say "Good luck" and to wish people good luck. But what does luck mean? ...that events occur and happen by chance without purpose or design? And that it's best to hope that maybe you can get the good king and not the bad kind? People say "I have good luck" or "I have bad luck" or "If it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all." These mindsets bear witness to people's perspectives on life. So a friend told me once, "I don't believe in luck. I believe in God's sovereign grace." hmmm... no luck. just God's sovereign grace. Let me meditate on that longer. I don't think Hallmark makes Sovereign Grace greeting cards. I mean, where would they file them? Until then...
Continue in Excellence,
jdmerx
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Genesis
I guess this is one of the easiest posts a novice blogger is to make. The why and what to expect in future blogs should be explained so that those in Cyberland will want to return. Well, in that case, I hope the reader is not sadly disappointed. Let me be upfront and honest.
I lack the erudition to be witty and insightful. I lack the humor to be entertaining and amusing. I only hope that I can learn from my friends who have done this far longer than I.
I have never been told that I have a gift for words and writing....and I'm okay with that. I don't have the grace and beauty to describe things in new ways to challenge the imagination. I can, however, admire the works of others. So I will. I will strive, to the best of my ability, to translate the beauty I see into the beauty I share.
Along that road, I can tell my of my mistakes, blunders, and occasional triumphs. Anyone can point out a weakness and a problem. Of that I am certain. There is a shortage, however, of individuals willing to ask "So what?" and make things better. So in that mindset, I hope to continue in excellence in all that I do. By His grace. For His Glory.
I lack the erudition to be witty and insightful. I lack the humor to be entertaining and amusing. I only hope that I can learn from my friends who have done this far longer than I.
I have never been told that I have a gift for words and writing....and I'm okay with that. I don't have the grace and beauty to describe things in new ways to challenge the imagination. I can, however, admire the works of others. So I will. I will strive, to the best of my ability, to translate the beauty I see into the beauty I share.
Along that road, I can tell my of my mistakes, blunders, and occasional triumphs. Anyone can point out a weakness and a problem. Of that I am certain. There is a shortage, however, of individuals willing to ask "So what?" and make things better. So in that mindset, I hope to continue in excellence in all that I do. By His grace. For His Glory.
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