Lesson 2

Sometimes the best thing to do is just to say exactly what's in your heart.
J.D. (Zach Braff) on [Scrubs]

Here's the second installment...

Lesson 2: Sometimes the best thing to do is just to say exactly what's in your heart.

I took one of those personality type tests. It confirmed what I already knew about myself. For the most part, I stay away from conflict. I'm more of a peace-maker. I can handle it in my professional life. If I need to do speak up or ruffle feathers, I can do and will do so. My personal life, however, is a different story.

I terribly dislike confrontations where someone's feelings may get hurt. It's easier for me to be silent and not say anything. I joke around with my friends, telling them that one of my spiritual gifts is the ability to ignore people. That skill helped me a lot when I was a high school sports official.

It's pretty easy for me to deflect comments made by other people, especially if I do not consider them a close friend or acquaintance. It's harder for me, though, with persons to whom I am particular familiar or close. I will leave submerged my own feelings and thoughts at times.

I also realize that because of my childhood, I find it difficult to be close to certain people. And when I finally become close, it takes an extra effort to truly open up to that person. The good thing is that I have identified that characteristic of mine. Now, I have to try to remedy it.

I would like to say that I see myself as a solutions-oriented type of guy. So I've been trying to identify those persons and/or situations where I am hesitant to speak m heart. The one underlying feature to these circumstances and with the whole concept of speaking from the heart, is that you leave yourself exposed and vulnerable. Others are able to see what you believe. What you value. What you feel and treasure. They can see what's important to you. What your weaknesses are. Where the chinks in your armor are located.

Whether it's in an argument. A conflict. A sorrow. A rejection. A disappointment. When you speak your heart, people see you as you are. Not the you kept in check and under lock and key.

But sometimes what's in your heart doesn't edify those around you. The heart at times can hurtful and spiteful and jealous and deceitful. Jesus tells us that.

So you have to find the balance. That's easier said than done. Until next time...

Continue In Excellence,
jdmerx

Lesson 1

"Even if it kills you to be just friends, if you really care about someone you'll take the hit."
J.D. (Zach Braff) on Scrubs

I think I'm gonna forgo apologizing for the long break since my last post. Let's just move forward...

So I've been thinking about this topic for a while. It's not completely hashed out or thoroughly thought through. Anyone who knows me knows that my favorite sitcom is [Scrubs]. I have every season on DVD. I can quote almost any phrase. I can find parallel situations in life that occurred during an episode. I know. I know. Some say it's overboard. Or pathetic. I disagree with those individuals.

Now let's take a trip in the "Way Back When" machine. Remember back when you'd be in grade school and see the posters stating, "Everything I need to know in life I learned in ...."

I realized that I could work on that concept with my love of [Scrubs]. So now I will offer my first lesson...

"Everything I need to know in life, I learned in [Scrubs]"

Lesson 1: Even if it kills you to be just friends, if you really care about someone you'll take the hit.

Now in this episode of [Scrubs], J.D. decides to not tell Elliot about his desire to pursue a relationship with her since she stated that they should just be friends. J.D. holds back and realizes that the timing wasn't right. He realized that it was better to lose her as a girlfriend and keep her as a friend than to lose her as a girlfriend AND lose her as a friend.

At the time of application of this quote in my life, I was learning a lot about myself. Especially pertaining to the arena of my personal relationships. I had pursued a relationship with a certain girl. I thought there was potential and that it was going good. And then got shot down [ I was told by a friend that this phrase is not an adequate assessment. This friend also wanted to know why guys use those words and that phrase, in particular. I responded to my friend by saying that guys have to step out, be vulnerable, and it is completely up to the girl to let the "bird" fly or fall to its death.] I was struggling with the whole concept of what it meant to be "just friends" with a girl you were hoping there'd be more. [I could elaborate more on this process with illustrations, metaphors, and pithy insights. Unfortunately that is beyond the scope of this blog. Perhaps on another post. I will tease it though by stating that I have had numerous friends tell me that I could write a humor book detailing my relationship follies.]

To summarize the end result to which I came to the conclusion, I realized that I was looking at rejection in a completely incorrect manner. I saw rejection as a 'Not Being Good Enough' mindset rather than 'Looking For Different Qualities' mindset. I know that to some that seems like a DUH perspective. But to me, it was new to realize that I had that weakness. So now I had the head answer, I just had to get the heart to follow. It took a while. With prayer and the help of wise counsel ( ;-) ), I have worked on turning that particular weakness into a strength.

I realize that there are individuals in life who are meant to be romantic partners, and others that are there for platonic. Hopefully, for my next romantic venture she and I will be good friends first. And if it works out that we should not continue a non-platonic relationship, I can identify and assess that if I care about her, she's worth being "just friends." Until next time...

Continue in Excellence,
jdmerx